We

We define each other.
Through our words and actions we say who each person respectfully is. How powerful is a word? Spoken? Typed? What are we saying to each other? So many times, when saying things we are talking about ourselves or protecting ourselves not realizing that through our words the listener is defined.

Here is a picture of my son, picking flowers. At his age, my words are making him. I pray that God leads me. That careless words will not flow out.

James 3:6 (The Message)

5-6It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

when will people learn

that i do not want to fight.
i do not want to raise a fist or a harsh word
i do not want a tit for tat, he said, she said
what i want is peace
and for you to see my heart


but you don't
and im not sure if you ever really did

sometimes

i get so afraid. afraid of the things that can never hurt me. what can evil men do to me? he barks and he bites, threats and promises empty as his heart.

i saw it in my head this morning while driving to work. i was climbing out of a pit, climbing more and more towards the light. he was at the bottom clawing at my ankles, grasping at me with what he could. he didn't want help out of the pit he was in. he wanted to drag me down with him. he didn't want light, he wanted me to be in the darkness. but even with this mental image epiphany i realized there is nothing he can do. what is a grasping of the ankles? what is a spewing of insults? in the light of moving forward, on the path i am on, that God himself arranged what is that?

it is nothing but the roar of a toothless lion.

and i will not be afraid

in closing i will quote my very wise brother
" you are trying to be reasonable with unreasonable people, this will not lead you anywhere"

They say

That living well is the best revenge.

I'm not sure how vengeful im feeling these days, it truly is not in my nature but i will say that we certainly will be living well. Tyson was just hired on full time as Ashford University's head cross country and head track and field coach. He will be pursuing his masters while coaching and i will also have the opportunity to return to school full time either this fall or spring, we will see how it all works out. I plan on only working part time (which i haven't done in 3 years since being a single parent).

This will allow me to be home when Noah gets home from school, which honestly has been a dream!!

On another note, this will be a hectic few weeks. The wedding is in less than two months and we will be moving mid-July, a lot to cram into a few weeks but it is all entirely too exciting!!! I feel so blessed by it all.

There have been things happening that have tried to damper my mood and crush my spirits. I will say that i do not understand mean people. I do not understand negative or hurtful people. I don't know how to respond to there anger or hatred. So i choose not to respond. Some may view this as me not dealing with it but honestly what do you say to hatred? What do you say to anger? There are no words that quench that, no words that i haven't already said. I'm so sorry when things turn out this way. It hurts me so deeply but at this point in time i know the only place i should look is straight ahead, never look behind. Look to the past to learn but don't dwell on the pain or the wounds. I wish them the best.

it could have been hormones

But i cried to Madonna's song like a virgin. The only reason i am admitting this is because no one really knows about this blog, with maybe 2 exceptions.

My friend Maria is planning my girls weekend before the wedding. In the invites she including a mix cd with fun girls night out type songs. "Like a Virgin" came on and i swear that Madonna made me cry. I mean come one:

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didnt know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat incomplete
Id been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Anyways, i just needed to get that off my chest. Perhaps it was because i was driving in my car and couldn't see the images of her writing on the end of a boat in her white outfit, im sure that would take out the emotionalism rather quickly.

swing

lying there, next to you,shivering in the Florida breeze
a shooting star
hopes held inside
we don't know where this is going
but we will get there together
just the three of us, for now

it was a rare moment
when dreaming of tomorrow
nature aligns
and creates a beautiful picture

possibly, maybe

Tyson has an interview by phone tomorrow with a University in Iowa. If he gets the position we move. I have never lived anywhere but Florida. i only saw snow for the first time this past Thanksgiving when i met his Mom. I have had a peace about this whole thing since it started but i guess now that it is getting closer to reality the fear is creeping in. A fresh start is always a good thing. Ahhhhh.......