camping out or hobo, you decide.

We got our first winter heating bill. It was $435, ridiculous. Most of it has to do with bad insulation and a home that was built way before my Dad was born....actually maybe way before my grandfather was born....

Anyways, we turned the heat down to 58, meaning the pipes wont freeze but i may loose a few toes due to frost bite, but hey we will have money in the bank! Okay so my bfeeee from middle school onward sent me the worlds latest wedding gift (her words!) and it was superb timing. With it we bought a space heater (score!). So a the moment i am wearing two pairs of socks, a long sleeve shirt with a hoodie over it, a pair of leggings with basketball pants over it. We are getting new beds delivered tomorrow (we bought them before Christmas and before the autrocios heating bill) so in preperation we have moved the old bed out. I have the mattress in the living room on the floor. I guess thats when i felt like i was camping out, i have all the layers on and the space heater going, now all i need are some graham crackers, marshmellows, hershey bars and wire hangers.....wooooo!!!

FYI Tyson finishes his masters next Feburary.
FYI part duex Iowa is fricken cold.

just some things

I've been wanting to write lately and have felt less than inspired. I think it lulls and ebbs along with lifes highs and lows. Right now things are steady. I still have the occasional back glance of my old life giving way to new nightmares. But going through what i went through it is really to be expected though it still surprises me.

I dont know why i was ever in such a big hurry to grow up.

Today at the elementary school i work at it snowed about 5 inches. we took the kids outside and they gave me a crash course in snowman building.


This was a welcome release after a long day in Special Ed.

I put up my Christmas tree three weeks ago and have only lit it once.

I enjoy my life immensely but still fight the fear.

cynicism is easy

we believe what we choose to believe about people, whether it be the good in them or the not so good. it is in fact always a choice.

those that choose to see the good do not always have the 'rose colored glasses' that cynics would claim. i believe it is much more difficult to search out the deep goodness inside even the most detestable individuals, than to find the bad and dwell on that.

conflict arises when two of these polar opposites meet. one thinks the best, the other thinks the worse, this is a recipe for disaster.

what is the solution?

honestly i think it very important to have friends with the same world outlook.

for me it would be those individuals that dig deep, the choose to see the best. that have hope on there shoulders and a sideways grin despite what the world throws at them.

i can't understand those who give up (though at time i do not blame them for doing so), i can;t get into there heads enough. maybe i am still naive.

If that is the case i pray it never changes. the view of the world with a hope shaped lens is much more bearable than the other options.

i will remain unchanged in this aspect, i will remain surprised when i meet people of the contrary.

where i live

It is just a place to be when you are floating in the 'in betweens'. In less than two months we will be getting married, and then a week after that, packing the house and moving nearly 1,000 miles away from the only place i have ever lived. I'm excited, don't get me wrong. I just wish i had a fast forward button to get through the next two months of planning and details. It makes me so tired trying to plan all of the details of everything. We can't hammer down a place to live until mid-june, right in the midst of wedding planning.

Honestly, i don't care if the wedding is perfect, if my linens match the theme, if the food is perfect. I want a marriage not a wedding. That is what i am ready to begin.

Fast forward those flashy details and put me in the day to day in our new life together.
That is where i live.

We

We define each other.
Through our words and actions we say who each person respectfully is. How powerful is a word? Spoken? Typed? What are we saying to each other? So many times, when saying things we are talking about ourselves or protecting ourselves not realizing that through our words the listener is defined.

Here is a picture of my son, picking flowers. At his age, my words are making him. I pray that God leads me. That careless words will not flow out.

James 3:6 (The Message)

5-6It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

when will people learn

that i do not want to fight.
i do not want to raise a fist or a harsh word
i do not want a tit for tat, he said, she said
what i want is peace
and for you to see my heart


but you don't
and im not sure if you ever really did